"Who done it?"

"Women who wasted their emotions over the years became mean black women. Disillusioned. Frustrated. Powerless in their own lives, living with wounded souls." -Unknown

"Who done it?"
Who wounded you?
Who caused you to waste your emotions?
Who took your power and made you mean,
disillusioned and frustrated?
Who made you hate?
Hate so much that I want to hate you.
Who took a heart full of love and turned it into
a void deep abyss?
A black cesspool, metaphorically stenched
and sewn with the scent of piss.
Who took my woman and gave me a bitch?
Who took my well of wealth once rich
and overflowing
And replaced it with a heart in a trench with views
that only leads to a roadside ditch?
Who took your soul,
twisted it, corrupted it
and turned it black?
Not the beauty of black
but the dearly departed light of happiness,
the darkness of a crooked heart.
Who touched you and filled you with pain?
Who birthed misery and made wickedness your gain?
Who took my fire,
left you scorned and with out oxygen for your flame?
Who left you cold, unreconciling
and devil admiring?
Who made you poison
When you were once life?
Who desecrated
who was once to be my wife?

"Until my eyes open"

I don't want to wake from this sleep that I'm in.
This sleep I'm in
Protects me from the hurt of yesterday
And surely the pain that would face me today.
This sleep I'm in
Makes me feel like you're still here
And it would only be until my eyes opened
that I would realize that you were never there.
A dreamless darkened sleep
where my consciousness cease
and my war is at peace
and love doesn't have to be deceased.
This sleep I'm in
doesn't remind me that I can no longer hold her
because sheep took over
and days awake without her is simply colder.
This sleep I'm in
warms my nights with fantasy sin
and a remembrance of lovin'.
This sleep I'm in
Is all I have until my eyes open.

Temptation

Years ago, my cousin entered one of my poems, "Foreplay before sex", into a college poetry contest. She went on to winning the contest. She wanted to give me credit but I told her that she didn't have to. I would prefer if she kept the credit for herself. Today, females show me that foreplay before sex is still dominate. A woman had me sucking her  nipples and tasting her juices while her friend watched, but she wouldn't let me enter her. It was devilishly wicked. It was one of the most fun experiences that I had, but it was pure torture, in a good way. I was caressing her ass and playing with her pussy and doing everything in my power to get her open and inviting, but she wouldn't give. My dick was throbing and wanting. Her clit was the proverbial carrot and the only thing that I wanted to do was lick, entice and seduce so that I could get on to the actual act of the final pleasure but long fingers and nails were keeping me at bay.
It was a struggle but the sweetest wrestle. She said maybe next time we would go further. Honestly, I must admit that it was truly an enjoyment just to build the anticipation and I truly can't wait to enter but what she gave was gratifying.
Not always is the greatest hell the wickedness and vindictiveness of another, sometimes it can be the sweetest temptations that is held in view but just out of touch.
The journey continues.

The reasons for the greatest hell.

The greatest hell is situations that you can't take back. And I'm caught up in a bunch of situations that I can't take back. Everyone tries to live a life with no regrets but I am beginning to see that that is almost impossible. We can be thankful for everything that we go through because it fashions and shapes us in to who we are supposed to be. But what about who we became? Who we are? I had and have a most promising future, but my past hinders me.
I want to say that everything will be okay and everything will get greater later, but to say all that and to mean it takes great sacrifices on my behalf and the behaves of others. In this case, I have no control over the behaves of others, so I can only speak on mine.
I'm in a situation where I have to think and take care of the well being of myself and my two daughter because the mother of my children thinks just because I'm here and she foots the bill for all the finances that she doesn't have to take part in the raising of our children, mine and hers. I'm a father to her son when she doesn't wants me to be.
But her son is the brother of my daughters and his father is not there for him like he is supposed to be. By me being here I can't even be a father to my own son that is down south. But I'm working hard to establish that relationship with him.
Ultimately for me to be there for everyone that I'm supposed to be there for, I have to cut everyone off and be there for God and myself. I have to put god in my life before I allow anyone else in my life and I'm not talking about the church. I'm talking about god himself.
I have to allow him to do what needs to be done in my life so that I can move on to do what needs to be done in the life of others. I'm working hard but I'm also working alone, but as I have god I am never alone. Thank y'all for listening.